rock en espanol

Last week was one of those weeks. The kind where you know you just have to put your head down and push through it and deal with the mess when it's over. I'm now dealing with the mess- the literal mess of my house, the laundry, the antibiotics, the shopping, the bills, the phone calls, the errands, the sleep. But I'm oh so glad it's over! I thought I'd share a very bright moment that made my week a tad more bearable.

I was in a funk and felt like Liam and I both could use a little fresh air so we went out back to play with the dogs. Our neighbor was in his yard as well but he didn't hear or see us over the fence. He tuned his stereo to Spanish rock and started singing at the top of his lungs. My first reaction was embarrassment. What if he sees me? What if he hears Liam? (This wasn't the first awkward moment I've seen this neighbor in. I once saw him in his yard crying inconsolably when he found his dog dead in the back yard. Not that I haven't ever cried when my pets have died but it's a strange feeling when you witness an intimate moment like that with someone you barely know.) I was just about to swoop Liam up and sneak inside when he started rocking out. Liam, that is. He started dancing and singing and when the song was over he applauded wildly shouting, "yay!!!" Apparently the neighbor didn't hear him because he carried on through about three more songs and Liam continued to enjoy his private concert.

My mood immediately changed and the dishes in the sink, the bags under my eyes, and the pounding headache all took back seat to my backyard dance party. So there you have it. The cure for a bad mood is Spanish rock!

Dancing with Dad

It's been a busy week and I have been a complete slacker when it comes to blogging so I'm going from one flashback Friday post to the next. Here's hoping next week has 8 or 9 days in it!

Happy Friday! Here's a flashback to 2002? I think. Or 2003. Doesn't matter. Either way it's me and my dad dancing together at my brother's wedding.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this picture! I loved it when I first saw it and I gave it to my dad in a frame for Father's Day a few months before he passed away. I have it now.

Though it may look like we were very serious about our dance moves, quite the opposite was happening. I remember that no one else was dancing at the time so I stepped out on the dance floor to act silly. Yeah, I kinda enjoy the spotlight. Just when I had enough embarrassment and was attempting to go back to my seat, my dad grabbed me by the hand and starting twirling me around the dance floor. It was pretty hilarious. I don't think I had ever seen my dad dance in public. The few memories I have of him dancing include some evenings when he would bust a move to the Law & Order theme song and every Fourth of July as a kid when we would make him dance in the strobe light firework.

I love that we danced together at my brother's wedding since he wasn't there to dance with me at mine and I love that someone was thoughtful enough to snap a picture. It's one of my favorite memories of my father and it just goes to show you that it's the littlest moments that make the biggest impact.

Love- Cafeteria Style

Here we are again! This week's flashback is the very first photo ever taken of Paul and I together! Not very flattering, but there you have it. I'm not sure we were prepared to take a picture but I really don't remember.

Can you San Bernardino and Fontana natives tell where we are? We were at Sundowners (yummm!). We went there A LOT when we were first dating. It's one of Paul's favorite places to eat and, for me, well, it's grown on me. I almost equally enjoy it these days but it's an aquired eating experience. I think the cafeteria style dining is what was throwing me off before. Carrying steak and potatoes on a cafeteria tray just doesn't feel right at first. "Sundowners. It grows on you!"

Anyway, what I love about this picture is that I remember how nervous and excited I was to even be standing next to him. How awkward we were around each other and how my palms were always sweaty. How I ate much more slowly so as to look more lady-like. How both of us had A LOT more hair.

Five years of marriage and a kid later, I still feel the same way. Well, I don't sweat and I'm not very nervous but I am still so head over heels! I miss him when he's not around, I'm always thinking about him, and I get really excited whenever I see him. As for him, he has now seen me scarf my food, go back for seconds and thirds, and finish it off with a burp. Now that's what I call true love!

What is parenting like?

We recently watched "The Backup Plan" with Jennifer Lopez. It was a TERRIBLE movie (and I can say that because I really like Jennifer Lopez and I tried really hard to like it... unsuccessfully) but there was a line in it that I really liked. A dad at a playground is being asked what parenting is like. His response is, "It's awful, awful, awful. Then a small moment happens, that's so magical that makes it all worthwhile." I couldn't agree more. This is what my week has been like.

The night before Paul started back to work Liam was up sick all night. And when I say all night I mean aaallll night. I got maybe a combined total of 3 hours. I would work hard getting him back to sleep and when I would move him into a reclined position he would wake up screaming because he couldn't breathe through his nose. Which, of course, means he couldn't nurse either. We suctioned his nose 3 times that night (which is always a good time). Who doesn't love pinning their toddler down while you suck slimy boogers out of their nose whith an aspirator while he screams and flails like you're murdering him? So I loaded up on coffee and prayer and started my day. Lucky for me I have an amazing husband who, from work, called in reinforcements in the form of his mom and brother. Thank God. They played and I slept. Night 2 was much better and my mom came up to help the day after that and he's now getting over the cold and I'm starting to get it.

My point is that as soon as his cold cleared up and I started to feel sane again he started to say the funniest things. He now tells me he's "stuck" all the time. He walks behind the couch and yells, "I stuck!" until I rescue him, he pulls on the feet of his footed pajamas crying, "I stuck!" until I change him out of them and he pulls at the straps in his carseat until I say "I know you're stuck. That's the point." It might not sound like it but it's pretty darn adorable. But my favorite thing he started saying the same day is, "Thank you." It melts my heart and makes me feel like I must be doing something right. I was handing him crackers in the car the other day and he kept saying, "Tant Tu, Mama." By far, the cutest thing yet! It was definitely the moment that was so magical that it made it all worthwhile.

Me at 19

I've decided to link up with this other blog to participate in Flashback Fridays. I love browsing through old photos and I love the stories that go along with them so I'm excited to start this!

This photo was taken when I was around 19 years old. I'm not sure where we were going or coming from but I am sure that we were having a blast! These were what I like to refer to as my "party days." On the outside I was a very responsible 19 year old. I went to school full time, got pretty good grades, held down a part time job, and was a member of a cheerleading team. I answered to my teachers, bosses, teammates and parents (though they didn't always know where I really was or what I was really doing). But, really, I was free to do as I pleased and I took full advantage. I hadn't yet learned what real responsibility was and I was immature and naive. I think most 19 year olds are.

Some days, when I feel like I'm drowning in all of my responsibilities I remember those days and I wish I was back there. I wish I could run out the door, jump in my Ford Escort, throw on my Michael Jackson's Greatest Hits CD, and drive down to the beach at a very unsafe speed to dance the night away. Most days, when I walk past this photo (it's framed on my desk at home) I smile. I remember what it was like to not have to care about anyone else but myself and I'm so grateful that those days led me to where I am today. I'm so happy that I now have people to care for and who care for me and I'm grateful that my irresponsibility turned into lessons learned. More than that, I'm relieved to not be 19!

Trouble in Paradise

 I've mentioned a couple of times that 2010 had a few rough months for Paul and I. I recently had a chat with a friend who had no clue what I was talking about and who was a little curious. So I enlightened her. It made me think that perhaps our story could encourage others who might be going through similar troubles. So I'm going to tell it. Now, I've gone back and forth about airing my dirty laundry on the internet but, ultimately, it's a happy story with a wonderful ending so I figure, "why not?" Besides, when I started this blog I told Paul that I didn't want it to be another Mommy blog that only talks about the positive sides of mothering (there are many) but I wanted to expose all of the messy parts too.

Here, in a nutshell, is why I believe that growth is necessary, painful, and incredible all at the same time.

Paul and I met, fell in love, and had very few disagreements for the first 4 years of marriage. We had a lot of fun and got along great. Then, I quit my job to stay home with Liam.

It wasn't just quitting my job that was challenging. It was everything that happened at the same time. I moved from spending most of my day doing something I was really good and confident at and getting praised for it to doing something that was way more challenging, crucial and attracted criticism. At the same time my hormones decided to try to balance out after pregnancy and child birth causing some post-partum depression. Add to that the fact that I was still healing from some health issues I had after giving birth and you get a woman who really wasn't at the top of her game.

Paul has the type of job where he may be scheduled to get off at 7pm but he will be held over into the wee hours of the morning. Or his weekend will begin with a phone call to come in. At this point in my life I depended on him more than ever. When he was supposed to be home, I really needed him there. When this wasn't possible, I began to feel angry and frustrated and biterness started to set in. Then, of course, Paul would come home to an exhausted, angry wife which exhausted and angered him as well. I didn't realize it was happening at the time but looking back now, it's all a bit more clear. We weren't communicating properly. We weren't telling each other what we needed or how we felt. When it all boils down, we weren't working on our marriage because we never had to. Our relationship was always so easy that we didn't know how to function in this strange situation. This is what we had to learn:

• Liam wasn't an easy baby and there's nothing wrong with that. The sooner we accepted the fact that he had colic and, really, just a big personality, and the sooner we accepted the fact that parenting him was WAY harder and more demanding than we imagined, the sooner we could move on and become better parents.
• Communication is key! We had so many long discussions those few months about how we felt and what we needed to feel better. Problems can't be fixed unless they can be shared.
• When you need help, ask for it. I remember feeling so alone and like I had no one to help me. Well, no one knew I needed help because I like to pretend I'm ok even when I'm not. I always feel so guilty for asking for help. The truth is, everyone needs help from time to time and that's what friends and family are there for.
• The biggest thing that made our relationship stronger was the fact that, even when we were arguing, we knew that the other person still loved us. When I was upset, Paul still hugged me. Sometimes, a kiss or an "I love you" is all I needed.
• Finally, we learned that we aren't invincible. We always wondered why other couples fight so much or why the divorce rate is so high. Well, now we know. When times get tough and life throws you curveballs it's difficult not to lash out on the person you feel can most handle you. So, now we work. We touch or kiss whenever we can. We let the other person know we love them and are thinking about them. We speak kindly to each other. We spend time alone as much as possible. We pray for our marriage. And we make it a goal to enjoy each and every day because life is just too darn short to not be happy.

 

Welcome, 2011

2011 has brought with it some beautiful snow! Paul has been wishing for snow all month and he finally gets it on the last day of vacation! Better late than never!

It's absolutely gorgeous! My favorite part of it was watching Paul tie a rope to Liam's rocking bike and run down the street pulling him behind him.

Like I said, our vacation is coming to an end. Paul's first day back to work is tomorrow so, really, mine is too. I have really enjoyed having him around to give Liam his naps, cook dinner, and give me some time to do whatever I wanted. Now, it's back to the grind. I'm sad but also kind of looking forward to it. It will be nice to get back on a schedule and back into playdates and park days. I'm also excited to get together with those friends I promised to catch up with after the holidays. If you're on that list expect a phone call or email from me soon!

I keep reminding myself that I won't feel as rested as I do now and that the need for a morning cup of coffee (or multiple cups) will reappear but my plan is to take it one day at a time.