Let go

I had a super crazy day last week. It started with a trip to the pediatrician for Liam's cough where the doctor confirmed that he had croup and gave him a steroid shot to help ease the inflammation in his throat. (Which didn't work, by the way) and it ended with another trip to the pediatrician for Brygit who had fallen then couldn't walk afterward. She ended up getting X-rays, which was a blast, and a half cast on her foot. It has been over a week since then so let me tell you that Liam's cough is significantly better but it still lingers a bit and Brygit is walking around without her cast and appears to be doing fine. We will know more when she sees the orthopedist next week. But my point is this. At the end of that day, I completely fell apart. Like cried myself to sleep fell apart. It's so hard to see your kids sick and hurt and it was all I could do to hold myself together for them. Of course those weren't the only things stressing me out. Life was a bit overwhelming at the moment before any of that happened. I started to pray and I realized something. I have realized this a dozen times before and I will probably need to realize it a million times more but I realized that I was trying to manage everything alone. I mean, I had my family helping me along but in my head I was trying to "do it all." I was attempting to manage my stress without depending on God. It's so easy for me, in good times, to thank God then say, "I can take it from here." I don't realize I'm doing it until I hit a wall and realize I really can't. What a humbling experience it was and what a relief that He is still there to take care of me even when I don't hand over the reigns willingly.