The Pause

I was thinking the other day about what it's going to be like to have a newborn baby in my home again. I am a bit more prepared this time around because I know what to expect. I've done it before. I remember that life sort of paused for about a year. And by pause, I mean flipped completely upside down then put back together in a new way that accommodates a baby. During this "pause" everything I ever thought or worried about took a back seat to the needs of my baby. My world revolved around feedings, naps and diaper changes. I slept and ate and showered whenever I got the opportunity which was sparse. I know my baby was a bit more demanding than your average newborn so my pause may have been a bit longer than your normal first time mom but it completely changed me. I never thought or acted the same way again. Liam always came first. I still don't go places at nap time and I still make sure he is fed and bathed before I am.

Of course, things start to get back to a new normal. I eventually found a rhythm and life just got easier. I was so grateful for restful nights, long showers, a clean home, cooked meals. The simple things. But I realized the other day that I've also become a bit entitled. I get frustrated when Liam wants me to play with him while I'm cooking dinner, I'm grumpy in the morning when he wakes up in the middle of the night and needs my help falling back asleep, I'm irritated by dishes in the sink and crumbs on the carpet. I'm remembering how none of that mattered a measly two years ago. I had a job to do and I wanted to give it my all. Nothing has changed. Liam is still my job and I still want to be the best mother I can. Just because he is less demanding doesn't mean that I get to slack on what's really important.

I'm not writing this to be a downer. I'm writing it to be honest about my experiences. No, I don't think I'm a horrible person deserving of the electric chair but I do think that I needed this realization. I need to remember what is really important in life and I need to remember that time flies way too fast to not have your priorities straight. As I stand on the verge of a new "pause" I want to keep in mind that although life gets easier (and better) as my children grow, I want to continue to give it my all.